Christmas letter

Christmas ‘08

Dear friends, family, neighboring warlords and pan dimensional beings…

As this year draws to a close, it is once again for our family brag letter and Christmas update. Where to begin, firstly we are all doing fine, the radiation leak has been fixed, I used a roll and a half of duct tape but it seems to be holding as Morgan’s tail is shrinking daily. Peter no longer has x-ray vision and the dog is growing his hair back

Aside from Morgan’s tail he seems to be doing well at his new job as leader of the soon to be formed coalition government here in Canada. All of his friends at day home agree he is a fresh new set of eyes for the country. Some of his ideas about mandatory naps and time outs are receiving a lot of backbench support.

Peter is taking some time for himself after becoming the first Black president south of the border. He is currently enjoying a prolonged and much deserved jet-ski tour of the pacific atolls with his new wife and adopted 18 year old son.

Our dog T-shirt is out of rehab (seems to be the trend with all of the Disney stars). He is taking it day to day and has only had a couple of relapses. I had to go and pick him up form the pound in June. He was so strung out he didn’t even know me. It was heartbreaking to see but love has given us the strength to overcome all obstacles in our path and this too shall be beaten.

Trish has taken to disappearing for days at time with her “girlfriends” and leaving me at home to “think about what I have done.” As I write this she is off at some “convention” on a tropical Island somewhere. (I recall she mentioned something about Saskatoon (?) I only hope she comes back).

I have come up with a guaranteed retirement plan so I will be done with the daily grind very soon. I am spending every paycheck on nothing but Lotto scratch tickets. I buy one from the top of the stack and the rest from the bottom. They say the odds of winning are 1 in 20, with my system I increase that to OVER 1 in 18.986. Last week I won well over $20.00. I figure that by Christmas I will have won over $1389.00 (including free tickets). It feels really good to be my own boss.

This summer saw the arrival of our newest family member, Brad Pitt. The good news is that he helps out paying the bills. He and Trish seem to be getting along well. I swear she spends more time with him than with me. The down side is that his girlfriend and her kids are ugly and lazy; they seriously hurt my eyes to look at. All they do is sit around, watch Springer and eat Cheetos 24/7.

As you can see we are doing GREAT and hope to inspire you all to reach as high as us one day…

Yours in AWESOMENESS;

Dan, Trish, Peter, Morgan, Brad Pitt (and the rest, who are too long to mention) And T-Shirt.


If you are still reading this, Thanks for having a sense of humor, read on for some actual family stuff. If you have stopped before this, know that we all think you smell of beets and have bad taste in modern art.



So, I’m figuring if you’ve read this far you’d actually like to know what’s up with us.

Dan’s had a quiet year, not much throwing due to a silly umbilical hernia. I guess that’s what comes from throwing heavy stuff around. He’s getting it fixed December 18th if he doesn’t get bumped again. Hopefully he’ll get all trained up and go kick some highland butt next season.

I’ve lost track of this year it seems, everything is late including getting this letter out. I had surgery for a detached retina this summer and was off for 6 weeks. They say they don’t know what caused it but I did have laser correction last September and I’m blaming that. Unfortunately I am no longer 20/20 in my right eye but I can see and I guess that’s what is important. I’ve been trying out the Monday to Friday gig temporarily as one of our unit educators. It’s quite a change and I miss having my time off during the week. Maybe when Morgan is older it will be easier. I’m done Dec 17th just in time to get my Christmas shopping done (I hope) and take care of Dan.

Peter is 7!!! Holy cow, how did that happen? Grade two and seems to be pretty good at school. If he can just learn to sit still and remember his stuff life would be good. He is still doing Beavers but is finding it a bit boring this year, too bad they can’t go to Cubs halfway thought the year. His Grandpa got him a second hand guitar and we are investigating lesson for the new year.

Mo….. Well as my girlfriend often says three is poison. Where did our sweet little guy go? Now he has to make some of his own decisions otherwise he could trip over that lip. He is still free with his ‘I love you’s’ but very tight with his hugs and kisses. He still goes to the same lovely woman for daycare and loves going most days. Some days I think he’s gonna go to school in his diapers.

T-shirt sleeps his days away preferably on the couch, has learned that garbage has lots of good stuff in it (heaven forbid we leave the garbage out).

We have had lots of good times with family and friends this year. One nice long trip to Beaton in July with fabulous weather. Dan and I trekked to Hawaii to celebrate the wedding of a dear friend. We hope to head south again in the new year to Visit the Loeb’s in Huatulco.

We hope this letter finds everyone well, best wishes from our home to yours for a safe and happy year.


Love and Kisses
Dan, Trish, Peter, Morgan and T-shirt